this ones from me
I made this for you. This page filled with collections of stories and clips of things that in some way or another remind me of you.
I have thought about you nonstop since you left my sight. I can’t even sleep.
I feel a hurricane going on inside my body. A terrible storm that has created an impossibly un-liveable feeling inside me. I feel sick and empty and beat down. But in you i find the eye of the storm. That incredibly peaceful yet tumultuous area where i the midst of disaster there is peace and calm and sunny skies.
I’ve loved you since the day i met you. Yes i have. I’ve loved you everyday since then. Of course, my love has changed. What started as a deep infatuation by your witty sense of humor and mysterious eyes has evolved in the course almost 8 years to a love that is impossible to explain with the words of this world. And secretly I fear of how much more I can grown to love you. I’m a coward who wonders everyday what I would do if you suddenly weren’t there. If one day I woke up and you were gone. I don’t know how a person can grow to feel this way about another person but I do. And there is just nothing anyone can do about it.
I must confess, loving you has not been easy. But then again, anything worth having is worth the battle. And I don’t regret a single day. Even the bad ones because it was those days that made me realize how much I loved you. It was in those moments were I wanted to die of heartache that I realized the only reason that I care so much is because I loved you.
I am sorry.
For so many things. For not being there tonight that you are sick. For making you cry. For not standing close when i should have. For not spending more rainy days with you in bed. For not letting myself go like you wanted me to. For having crazy traditional parents who seem set on tearing us apart. So many things.. Most of all i’m sorry for being such a coward.
At one point I hated you. I hated you for being capable of having such influence over me. I resented the dependence I had grown for you. I hate the mean way you look at me when your angry and the way you ignore me when your upset. I hate the way you can misinterpret what I’m saying and how with just one fight you ruin my whole day. I hate how immature and stubborn you can be and how deeply you mange to hurt me with your actions. I hate the way you get too prideful to ask for forgiveness or admit you made a mistake. I even hated thinking that you could be down here having the time of your life while i was up there all alone dying a little inside. I hate-yet painfully love all the things I can’t stand about you. Because they make you, you.
I don’t know anything at all. I’m stupid and young and naive. I don’t have answers and I can’t make promises. I mess up, I hurt, I cry, I’m a mess, I disappoint you and make you proud, I’m strong and weak and driven yet lost. I’m more fucked than I thought I was and I have no clue what I’ll be. I don’t know when i’ll die or if i’ll live. I don’t know if I’ll be your burden or your relief. I don’t know anything at all really.All I know is that I want to be all those things with you. If i’m lost help me find myself, if i’m cold hold me in your arms, if i push you away bring me closer and don’t let me go, if i’m confused show me the way. I want you to be my rock, and i’ll be yours. I want to travel the world with you and stay home watching tv all day with you. I want to cook with you and laugh, and rub your ears when your laying down on my chest. I want to scrub your back in the shower and feed you with my spoon. I want to make you your favorite food and have romantic dates and find meaningful books with you. I want to love the little things in life with you and have a family with you. I want to fall down and stand back up with you. I just want you. In all of my madness and despair I want you. In all of my joy and happiness I want you.
Everything that you are and will be, I want it. All to myself. All your fingers and your toes, I want them to be mine. Every smile and laugh I want them to be mine. I want every touch and every blink, and every sigh and every tear. I want it all!
I will disappoint you in life. I will hurt you and push you but I tell you in advance, I will love you until the end so please forgive me.
I don’t expect perfection in you. I love you for who you are. I promise you all of me, that is the only thing that I can promise. That I will fight to be with you until our last breath and that you will have me body, mind, and soul. I will respect you and love you everyday that we are together.
Stay by my side. For the next 2 months until I leave this place. For the next 2 years until we finish school and save up money to move in together. For the next 10 years until we are strong enough to have children. For the next 30 years until we pass the test of raising family together. For the next 50 years until we have worked enough to retire and travel the world some more. For forever, because next to you is where I belong.
Eu te amo. Poe sempre
Me & you
What happens when you are not sure of what’s right anymore? Actually, it’s even worse: you know what is right, but you don’t have the courage to do it. I know what they say is true: if you love somebody you’ve got to set them free. If it wasn’t true nobody would say it that often, right? The problem is to let the happiness you’ve always sought and fought to have it. How? How can I manage to do that? Let go, and forget all the obstacles I had to been through? Let you go, just so we avoid to suffer even more further, when our love is even stronger than it is now. Either I wanted it or not, I know we’re not synchronized: different stages in life, different goals and different plans and perspectives. The distance between us will grow with each lack of time, each undone trip to see each other. Those are the times when i ask myself: Is this worth it? But seconds late, I remember our happy moments, how we are complete with each other and how this love that nourishes us is strong and beautiful. And I know he’s been questioning the same thing. But unlike me, hes put into his mind that its not worth it, that as much he want to be with me, he will never can. He says things will never go the way he wants, the way we want. That reality is against us. But, he wont deny how much I’m important to him, how much he loves me. He cant deny that he found the woman he wants to marry with, the woman of his life. So, why cant he fight for our love, for our relationship?! One moment he decides that he wants to be with me forever, no matter what obstacles we’ll have to face. The other one, he says hes not my boyfriend anymore, that he cant take this, he cant suffer like that. WHY? I guess its like Katy Perry says ” I’ve gotta a case of love bipolar”. I was sure before, he didn’t want to break up. Now I’m not sure of anything. I just wish I could show him,things are not gonna be like him expect them to be: my parents wont be a problem for us, we are gonna be able to do anything we want. We are going to be soooo happy and wonderful things are waiting for us. I just wish he would take my hand right now, and allow me to show him the bright side: we are meant to be happy together. I only want to hold his hand, be with him, having the love of my life to take care of me. I just want him close, feeling his heart and body close to mine. I want, and I never wanted that bad, to be sure we gonna have a great future together. A future where everything will be fine and nothing will come between us. I just want you and our perfectness together. Screw the rest of the world. I don’t care. I just need you and I know you feel the same way. So stop filling your heart, mind and soul with negative thoughts. We want and we can change things and make them perfect. It’s you and me against the world. We are gonna be fine. I truly hope that. Don’t give up yet. Don’t give up on me yet. You love me and I love you. I love you more than anything.
Things are different now. No other eyes are as captivating. No other smile is as contagious.
No one else’s words are as reassuring. No other arms are as comforting. I don’t long to hear any other voice on the other side of the phone. I don’t get butterflies at the thought of anyone else. Things are different now. When another walks by, I no longer give a second look. It’s like no one else exists; no one but you. They say that “love is blind;” and if anything, I’m only blind to everyone else. No one can measure up to you. They always fall short. Things are different now. Seeing through the eyes of love is like seeing under a microscope. I see things in you that I could never see in others, with my old eyes naked of love. Each little quirk, story, and moment with you are like the cells that make you who you are to me. The more I know you, discover things about you, the deeper I fall, captivated by the simplistic nature of who you are. It’s as though I’ve discovered something for the very first time, and now that I know of its existence I can’t imagine a world without. Things are different now. As I learn about you, I am also learning about myself. I’ve never felt like I quite belonged in this world until now. Until I had someone to walk beside me, encourage me, dream with me. Things are different now. I smile at the thought of you. I cry at the thought of being away from you. I fear, always have and always will, but with you it’s a different fear. It isn’t so much a fear of you causing harm, but a fear of losing you to the unknown. Things are different now. I let my guard down. Give you a straight shot to my heart and all that I am. I trust you. Something that is not easy for me to do. Things are different now. I love this difference: the joy, the anxiousness, and the longing. I hate this difference: the unknown, the risks, and the doubt. Things are different now. Please, be careful. I never thought this would happen. I had given up hope. But here you are…my hope in love, in true happiness, in the future. Things are different now. Thank you.
No one else’s words are as reassuring. No other arms are as comforting. I don’t long to hear any other voice on the other side of the phone. I don’t get butterflies at the thought of anyone else. Things are different now. When another walks by, I no longer give a second look. It’s like no one else exists; no one but you. They say that “love is blind;” and if anything, I’m only blind to everyone else. No one can measure up to you. They always fall short. Things are different now. Seeing through the eyes of love is like seeing under a microscope. I see things in you that I could never see in others, with my old eyes naked of love. Each little quirk, story, and moment with you are like the cells that make you who you are to me. The more I know you, discover things about you, the deeper I fall, captivated by the simplistic nature of who you are. It’s as though I’ve discovered something for the very first time, and now that I know of its existence I can’t imagine a world without. Things are different now. As I learn about you, I am also learning about myself. I’ve never felt like I quite belonged in this world until now. Until I had someone to walk beside me, encourage me, dream with me. Things are different now. I smile at the thought of you. I cry at the thought of being away from you. I fear, always have and always will, but with you it’s a different fear. It isn’t so much a fear of you causing harm, but a fear of losing you to the unknown. Things are different now. I let my guard down. Give you a straight shot to my heart and all that I am. I trust you. Something that is not easy for me to do. Things are different now. I love this difference: the joy, the anxiousness, and the longing. I hate this difference: the unknown, the risks, and the doubt. Things are different now. Please, be careful. I never thought this would happen. I had given up hope. But here you are…my hope in love, in true happiness, in the future. Things are different now. Thank you.
“
Why is it so hard to have a little faith? Every time a love story begins, you automatically expect it to have a bad ending. Why don’t we, as a society, believe in happy endings? Here’s my happy story - perhaps it’ll inspire you, maybe it’ll bore you. Take it as you wish.
Some people have their reservations about Internet relationships. In a lot of cases, people greet the idea of an online relationship with severe disbelief. I don’t blame them. Once upon a time, I was a skeptic too. There’s also nothing quite as obscure as young love, and what is even more obscure is when they love you back. But he taught me about optimism, and now I can’t have doubts.
We met in the saddest time of my life. It was 2006 and I was moving across the country and leaving behind everything I’d ever known. I was scared. I sought for guidance and found none among the people I knew. Because of that, I took to the Internet. Just a silly little chat room filled with some of the dirtiest and strange people I’d ever seen.
But then, there was him.
I don’t want to sound cliché but there was an instant connection. It’s easy to say that you can’t have that when you haven’t really met the person, but as silly as it sounds I knew it was there. For a long time we tried to deny it but it was right in front of us and it was too hard to ignore.
So we moved into 2007 as a blissful couple. Despite our beginning hesitation, we were suddenly all in and completely unaware of the outside world. We both shut out reality - to us, the other was reality. Nothing waited for us outside our little box - it was just the two of us, and we were quite happy with that.
But then, the cracks started to show. You can only go halfway in an online relationship and although we knew that we were both so nervous. We were only seventeen, after all.
We battled through it. The fights and the lies and the doubts and the breakups - we made it through all of it. Finally, we met.
The fear you experience before you meet the person you’re in love with face-to-face is baffling. You know this person, you’ve shared your whole self with them, so it seems insane to be scared of them. But you always are. You’re scared of their reaction to you - are you different in person? Will they still love you the same? Is the chemistry there now that you’re together?
And it was pointless. Our worries and our fights, they all meant nothing.
It was instant. It was like we had never been apart. We spent weeks holed up in my house, uninterrupted by anyone or anything. It was paradise. It was unlike anything either of us had felt before. From then on, everything moved so quickly and yet so slowly.
In 2008 we moved in together, unable to be separated anymore. In 2009 he proposed to me, exactly the way I imagined he would. In 2010 we set a date, we booked a venue and we started planning. Now, in 2011, we’ve announced our first child.
Some people have their reservations about Internet relationships. I urge you not to. It’s easy to judge something you have no experience in and in a lot of cases you’re right to be hesitant. Most won’t last, and there aren’t many exceptions.
He’s my exception. He’s the reason I’ve woken up happy every single day for four years. He’s the smile on my face and the light in my eyes. There’s not a single part of me that doesn’t exist for him. It seems silly to invest your entire self in another person, but I’ve done so without a second thought. I have faith in him and I have faith in us.
Why does it have to be so hard just to have a little faith?
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